Getting ahead of myself

I haven’t been able to work for over 10 years. Mostly because stress makes my symptoms worse. I have been thinking of attempting to work. I have sent out some resume’s and gone on interviews.

Those didn’t go so well, but I am still looking. I found an agency that places people with disabilities in jobs. The employer gets a tax break. I haven’t been very impressed with the company so far, but I haven’t seen any of the job leads.

But, I have been rolling the idea around in my head. Who will pick up the kids and do the things I do when I am around? Am I making a mistake? What if I can’t handle it? What can/can’t I do?

Then I started having some symptoms. I don’t know if it was related to the worrying but it probably was. I started having thoughts echo in my head. They weren’t mean/bad thoughts but they were distracting and distressing. I would call people, but outside of talking to my psychiatrist no one really knew what I could do.

I did get a hold of my psychiatrist and he raised my anti-psychotic dosage. It has helped. I can’t look for work just yet so I am trying to put those concerns on the back burner for now. I want to ask my psychiatrist what he thinks about working.

I do tend to worry a lot but it doesn’t usually affect my mind that way. I am not really sure how to take it one step at a time, but I do have to find a way to not anticipate problems.


My name is Lori. I am a wife and mother. My children are teenagers. I work as a peer mentor and volunteer for NAMI. I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type

One thought on “Getting ahead of myself

  1. Be careful that you don’t become a caretaker in your role as a mother. You can’t fix every problem that comes up in your family. Learn how to be a caregiver, someone who is there when she is needed, and you will discover that a lot of the stress and anxiety goes away. Caretaking is a trigger that we must guard against.

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