Alright, guys. I’m going to show you my face right now, since today is Bipolar Awareness Day or whatever.

I have brown hair, with a pink and blonde streak in it.  It is straight, and grows almost to my shoulder but not quite. The bangs mostly cover my forehead, which is free of acne. I have unplucked eyebrows, but they still look decent. My eyes are brown, and my eyelashes are average. I have a piercing on my right cheek, and a “cute button nose” as my old gender therapist once described it. My face is a little red, with some spots. However, it’s not half as bad as it used to be. I don’t know how to describe my lips, except that they are relatively full and they turn a little downward. I definitely have a chin. I consider my face to be round/oval-ish. It’s not a fat face at all, but it’s definitely fatter than it would be if I was not somewhat overweight. However, from a distance, it’s relatively pretty.

When I was younger, I often got the sensation of having large and pointy ears on the top of my head.  I could never decide whether they were cat or wolf ears.  This wasn’t just an imaginary thing; I really felt them.  When people spoke to me, I would always angle my imaginary ears towards them.  When I looked away, I would still do this.  I assumed people would see them, and know I was listening.  However, nobody could see them so it was useless.  Since I also had the ability to retract them at will, I made the choice to retract them permanently one day.  I haven’t been able to feel my “cat ears” since, even when i’ve tried to.

Now that we’ve got that part out of the way, we can get on to real business.

My face is a topic that i’m sort of sick of talking about, because i’ve discussed it a lot in gender therapy. I’ve also written about my face, how it bothers me, and how it doesn’t bother me. I have face issues sometimes, and they are connected to whatever gender issues I have. I have times where it bothers me more, and times when it almost doesn’t bother me at all. I’m sort of genderfluid that way.

It’s not that I want a beard. It’s that once, I accidentally got a haircut that made my face look sort of masculine. When I looked into the mirror that day, I felt like I was looking at my real self for the first time. I have never been able to get the same effect since, no matter what i’ve tried or what i’ve done. So no one will ever see my real face, and no one will ever understand who I truly am.

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