One time my therapist asked me one of the most personally significant questions I’ve ever heard.
She said, “What is more important to you? Cutting yourself in order to ace the test… or putting your health first and failing the test?”
(Just to explain, I used to cut myself before studying because it helped soothe me and allowed me to focus. I got all the pent up anxiety out that way so I could “ace the test.”)
And it was so embarrassing to tell her the truth. The truth I’d lived numerous times over and over. The truth that got me through so much of college.
I told her, “I’d rather cut and ace the test.”
Because it is true. To me, my academics and my future career are so much more important than my health is.
And I know that’s messed up.
But we are so hardwired to believe that success is more important than anything. That being a hard worker is so desirable.
That we ignore the damage it can have on us.
The worst part is, if you asked me that same question over again today- I’d still have the same answer.