On Refusing to Take Medication

I avoided medications of all varieties for much of my adult life. When I was 36, I had had too much of my depression and opted to start taking Prozac under the care of a psychiatrist at Redwood City Kaiser. I stayed on anti-depressants alone until I was 47 when I finally acknowledged my bipolar disorder after a suicide attempt and added mood stabilizers to the list of drugs that I was taking. Why did I go so long before I sought relief? Mostly because of a prejudice that had been drummed into my head by my mother, a registered nurse, who believed that medications should be avoided at all costs and that my depression and manic swings were character flaws. When I stopped listening to her, the quality of my life improved and I was able to be the person who I always knew that I was.

Many people feel that people who refuse to take medications should be forced to take them. They cite incidents such as a New York City man who went off his meds and started hitting people with a hammer or a schizophrenic woman who killed her baby in a fast food restaurant’s bathroom. The recitation of such litanies by certain advocates who favor forced medication is stigmatizing because the vast majority of people who go unmedicated don’t commit such crimes. Their struggles are worse than those of us who don’t take them, but it is important to understand their reasons for refusing.

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11 Commandments for People Living with Bipolar Disorder

Recovery from bipolar disorder is almost like a religion or an ethical system. Certain devotions must be part of our lives if we are to recover our balance.

  1. I shall hold myself accountable for all works of my body and my mind including those which I wreak when I am in episode.
    It is important, I feel, not to separate the illness from ourselves. We did the things that happened while we were in episode. There was no second soul seizing control of our bodies. Our mind is a stream that flows continuously, sometimes over rough ground, sometimes in placid stretches, and sometimes over cliffs. We own all these states of our being.
  2. I shall never use my illness as an excuse.
    Our episodes explain what we did. The difference between an explanation and an excuse is this: An explanation asks only for forgiveness. An excuse entitles us to both trust and forgiveness. We do not deserve the former until we have earned it.
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Self-Compassion

I wonder if people who read these blogs know the difference between being an ally and simply supporting. I can support many causes, but to be a true ally is to feel the pain of someone else as your own and still feel compassion.

Compassion is when you not only tolerate, but also accept someone for who they are, in their entirety. And it takes a secure and confident person to be compassionate because you have to admit to yourself that you are human and are prone to err, and so are others.

I strongly believe that if we spent more time being compassionate, without pity, rather than just tolerant, we would be a less violent society. And I mean violent in all its aspects: verbally violent, physically violent, emotionally violent, etc.

You may disagree with me, and that’s okay, but there is no need to be verbally aggressive and accuse me of being who knows what. Rather, we should strive as human beings to really truly see the good and move towards compassion. Compassion for others, but more importantly for ourselves.

How many times haven’t I counseled someone on the importance of self-care, yet do not take my own advice and end up almost burned out? That’s not self-compassion.

We cannot forget ourselves and forget to be compassionate towards ourselves as well. And what does self-compassion even mean? It means whatever you need to be right with yourself and with the world. To me, it means taking breaks once in a while to write, read, and be alone so that I can be a better person, mother, wife, daughter, employee, etc.

What does self-compassion look for you???