Bipolar and unhappy about it
Bipolar is quite a large part of my life, of that there is no doubt. Trying to find the sweet spot of correct medication is challenging with some meds making me incredibly tired all day. I take an antidepressant which works well, and also Lithium works very well for the mania. Although I still have the occasional manic period and sleeplessness so need an antipsychotic, and it is this that is wiping me out. This in itself is making me feel very low and just for this reason alone I wouldn’t wish any type of bipolar on anybody.
My GP has been trying to prescribe me medications with minimal intervention from my psychiatric consultant. This is a bit of a joke as I have never seen this consultant but apparently she has been allocated to me. She is reported to by my GP and CPN (community psychiatric nurse) regularly but very rarely replies to them unless it is for a change of medication.
My own fault?
I should say that I am one of those people who doesn’t really complain too much, as I feel if you complain too much there is a chance you can be easily overlooked as being a pain in the neck. However, I have begun to show how annoyed and upset I am with varying degrees of success. All of this though is another story.
Too ill to work
I am currently unable to work due to bipolar disease and psychosis. I am a self-employed tradesperson with my own small business. The business caters to clients in their domestic homes and small businesses. Because of the quick changes of mood in ultra rapid cycling bipolar I cannot trust myself to deal with clients professionally or positively. The psychosis turns my positive thoughts into severe negative thinking and stops me thinking clearly. This all then creates the perfect conditions for self-harm.
I’m constantly monitoring myself, especially when around other people and in crowded situations. Monitoring for any sign of instability and to put in place coping mechanisms when and if required. Unfortunately, some types of instability come very quickly and I don’t have time to act. This is when I rely on my partner to tell me when and if I’m acting out of sorts.
My partner is now the only person who can tell me when I’m unstable. I did have a close friend who could also be relied upon, but he betrayed my trust this week so I finally have nobody other than my fiancee to help monitor my ups and downs. I have estranged myself from all other family and friends as they do not understand mental health and are visibly frightened of anybody with a mental health issue.
End of rant, beginning of positivity in bipolar
An interesting quote from Huffington Post shows how important a World Bipolar Day is:
There are 450 million people worldwide with mental illness. Of those it is estimated that the global prevalence of bipolar disorder is between 1 and 2 percent and has been said to be as high as 5 percent, which is three times all the diabetes and 10 times all the cancers combined.
I’m supporting World Bipolar Day in order to help:
- diagnose sufferers sooner
- enable more funding for mental health generally
- make the public more aware of what unseen mental illnesses are
- reduce the stigma associated with bipolar and other mood disorders
- to stop me needing to rant about bipolar!